Coming Out as Transgender – “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step” – Lao Tzu

Living the Lie

To come-out as gay, to come-out as transgender, or to come-out as a survivor…. means that we’re leaving the lie behind.  Childhood is filled with honest delights.  When we became caged by our secret we could no longer allow anyone to know our truth. We lived many many years, decades even in our constructed life, never relaxing, never telling the truth, sometimes longing to share this heavy burden with someone but feeling too ashamed, embarrassed and confused to allow it.  Then, one day you come-out.


Doesn’t “come-out” sound like way too calm a way to describe an event that is being delivered with the force of so much pent-up emotional energy? This day has been brewing for a very long time. It’s been planned, rehearsed and longed for.  I visualize an egg shell cracking open to make way for the emergence of new life. Empty Prison CellI see an angry person kicking the door off the hinges of a locked room. I envisage a slave breaking away from chains of lies and being free now to tell the truth.  Laying down the burden of lies.

The Burden of Truth

You are free.  Free to be you. Who are you?  You are the person who’s been there all along, waiting for her turn to stand up, to speak up, to show up. You are Spirit. Next, you are gender. Gender is a sensibility, a feeling, a knowing and last you are your physical body whose genitals might one day reflect your gender. Along with this new found freedom to live your truth is the burden of social resistance to your truth. Seems we have to struggle every inch of the way.

The Awkward Conversation

Why do they always want to know about the “operation”. Why are they so curious about what’s down there.  Easy!  They immediately begin seeing you “doing it” and they have to start filling in the blanks like who are you doing it with, a man or a woman? Does that make you gay or straight? I know that the surgery gives you a vagina, but what about your prostate, what happens to that?  Initially this conversation is awkward but it really is an important one to have if the questioner is someone you care about.  It’s healthy to be curious and a good and honest conversation, if you’ve got the stamina for it, helps to dispel ignorance and that, my friend, can only help the cause.

If you have thoughts to share about this post or any other, please leave them below.  I’d love to hear from you.

In kindness,



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