“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”

― C.G. Jung

Who do you feel yourself to be?  How do you see yourself?  What is true for you?

According to USA Today the Department of Defense has begun the process of dismantling the ban on transgenders serving in the military. Issues concerning uniforms for transgender troops, medical services, morale and housing will be among the topics to be discussed.

Downward view of multi-tiered narrow staircase clad in checkerboard tile ending with a sign that reads Please Watch Your Step

As important as it is to have these conversations, it still sounds like the transgendered person is the third sex.  I realize that the institutionalization of transgendered people translates to the normalization of transgendered people and to quote Martha Stewart, “that’s a good thing”. But I wish there was a way to address this issue without it sounding like we are dealing with a third sex.  There are already women in the military.  That means that people who are in male to female transition will assume to be female. As such she will be addressed in the feminine, issued the normal female kit and be sent on her way. Done!  Same for female to male transition only in reverse.

When you think about it the normalization of transgenders in the military will go a long way to eliminating the fear and ignorance that put the ban there in the first place. I’ll resist the urge to quote Martha again.

Another institution is in the news these days.  A penitentiary in Rio de Janeiro is rewriting the rule book on transgender inmates with special attention given to their protection and choosing the correct population for them to join.

If you want to share your opinion on these topics, please leave your comment below.

To a kindness-based life.

Stephanie@transgenderfriendshipclub.com

I watched Caitlyn Jenner accept the Arthur Ashe Award for Courage on TV the other night.  More importantly I listened to her acceptance speech. My God I was impressed.  She was beautiful to behold.  She was glamorous old Hollywood.  She was articulate, caring, humble, and grateful. Her presence was HUGE.

The statistics she quoted were staggering. For example, transgendered people are sexually assaulted 66% more often than non-transgendered people.  Most of these survivors are living with post-traumatic stress disorders.  Transgendered people are beaten, murdered and commit suicide more often than non-transgendered people.

Caitlyn made me sit up and take notice.  She is here to make a difference.  She is here to make up for lost time. Her mission and purpose are crystal clear. Her message was one of acceptance; inclusive, margin-less acceptance of trans-gendered people in general and trans-gendered youth in particular.

Caitlyn Jenner accepting her award for courage from the Arthur Ashe Foundation

In closing she said  “Trans people deserve something vital, they deserve your respect,” she said. “From that respect comes a more compassionate community.”

Wishing you a kindness-based life.

Stephanie

You can always reach me at Stephanie@transgenderfriendshipclub.com

I just read a news story telling of a department store in New Zealand called Farmers that is instating “non-specific” change rooms in their clothing departments and retraining the staff to provide sensitive customer care.  These actions are in response to the mistreatment of a trans woman named Mary Haddock, a prominent media personality there.

Mary Haddock-Staniland

On the one hand, one might think that Farmers is making a forward thinking progressive business decision by creating and naming this changing room space “gender neutral”. On the other hand this approach is not helping society in making the leap to accepting whatever gender  I am  expressing and welcoming me into the restroom or change room that matches it….no questions asked.  I believe that should be the ultimate goal in our evolution as humans.

Either way there is nothing “neutral” about trans-women.  The trans-women I know are very clear and leave no doubt as to what side of the gap they live on.  Their feminine spirit could never be construed as neutral.

As for training service staff, I send Farmers my kudos.  Brand representatives (service staff) must be authentically kind, caring and helpful to everyone all the time. That is what “service” means.  This is basic common sense.

Here’s to a kindness based life.

Your comments on this topic or any other are always welcome below.

You can always reach me at Stephanie@transgenderfriendshipclub.com

We are all born with a perfectly clean slate.  It isn’t long, however, before we begin to become aware of perceived shortcomings.  It comes as no surprise, then, that as adult trans women we find it so difficult to love ourselves.  Louise Hay shows us the importance of loving ourselves and teaches a technique to use to develop that love.  She calls it the “mirror technique” and it simply requires that you look into the mirror, into your own eyes, and tell yourself that you love yourself; that you sincerely and deeply love yourself.

Transwoman using the mirror technique.

Now, initially, this is not an easy thing to do.  For one thing you don’t believe it when you say it.  Your mind wants to argue about it. It wants to point out all your flaws and remind you of all your foibles and past faux pas. But, gradually, as you practice every day you begin to believe that you are loveable and that you do really and truly love yourself.  You form a new habit of self love and respect.  You begin to hold yourself differently as you move through your day and you begin to expect to be treated well all the time by whoever you meet.  Your confidence level rises.  Your renewed unconditional self-love then overflows into all your relationships both intimate and casual and allows you to easily show love and respect for others while judgement and cynicism fall away.

As you practice living your feminine truth you discover that you have to be your own best friend.  You have to be able to depend on yourself to pick yourself up when you falter.

I love you

You will need to quickly forgive yourself when you err and step back into your confident woman self without hesitation.

Womanhood is not an easy role.  A woman might be a rocket scientist but she’s seen superficially first as a woman.  We are under a microscope most of the time.  We are judged, categorized, and labeled. We are not all pin-up girls.  Glamour doesn’t come easily for all of us.  We have to work at it, some have to work harder than others.  But underneath it all where love lives, beauty shines forth.

It won’t be covered or stifled. Love for self and others is impossible to hide. Like attracts like and love attracts love.  It’s the only way to live.

“Just be, right now, here; and breathe. Begin to trust the magic of yourself.”  — Nikki Rowe

You can always reach me at Stephanie@transgenderfriendshipclub.com